Changes and habits

This week has been a variety of things. Frustrations, delays, irritants; finding solutions and using good problem solving, effective magical workings, and making some additional discoveries about myself that I am able to capitalize on for my own growth. I found out I was successful with my latest Grade exam and am thus able to advance to the next highest Grade in my magical Order. This particular exam took me five hours to complete, and was much more involved than previous Grade exams, so when I found out I did well on it I was not just relieved, I was grateful. Grateful that all the work I did to prepare for it was really worth it, and that the additional research that wasn’t required, but I did it to broaden my perspective and deepen my knowledge, was super beneficial. I wrapped up the week by making a Christmas list of close friends that my husband and I want to send special homemade gifts to. I’m also gathering ingredients for oils and incenses that I’m going to share with fellow Order members at our Yule celebration that’s coming up.

Probably the best thing about the week, though, was the fact that I did something that made me uncomfortable. At first that appears counterintuitive, but sometimes things aren’t always what they appear. One of the corollaries of being a magician that I’ve always lived by, is that of self mastery, of having control over my ego, and directing it to do what I tell it to do. If one cannot or will not control their ego, if thoughts are allowed to run amok, if impulses are allowed to run the show; the practitioner has no business trying to control the forces of the Universe! Naught but chaos will result. The true magician knows him or her self, has a firm hand on their ego, realizes the power of words and thought forms, and does not allow their most powerful tool, the mind, to be under anyone or anything’s control except their own.

I do daily Work without fail, so I have a good level of awareness of my internal condition But, when I feel internal nudges to look at something within myself, I listen to them. I did so. The issue at hand is not necessarily important to specify, as I think most habits have certain common denominators. When a habit or tendency seems to have a larger presence in my life than I would like, I must look at it and see what’s going on. In order to do that, I go within. I face the uncomfortable feelings that come with making a small change in my behavior that directly conflicts with the dominance that the habit has been given in my life. That feeling of being uncomfortable when I delayed the instant gratification that the habit had given me, was the clue that I had been looking for. Once I discovered that, I went farther, meditating upon the feelings and looking at what was there. At times, even with vigilance, we find ourselves with habits that can, and do, become larger than they should; and at times this is because we are uncomfortable with simply looking at what’s there. Not making judgments, just looking at our various mental states, observing and making note of what we see. I have found myself at times having knee jerk reactions to what I find there, which has led to making some changes that didn’t stand the test of time.

This time, I decided to just observe myself. There are times in meditation when the goal might be stillness, thought control, observing a symbol or quieting the mind. This time was different. I simply wanted to watch the machinations of my mind. This was difficult to do in a way, as I usually like to be focused and disciplined with meditation, but I stuck to my goal. I discovered that not doing the habit first thing upon awakening, was uncomfortable. This has happened to a degree, each time I meditated first, versus doing what I had been doing, each day this week. Meditation was then followed by my other daily ritual work. The information I gained from this has been incredibly important. Changes that need to be made in virtually anything are more likely to be effective in the long term if they are made with the proper information and after investigating them thoroughly. Quick fix solutions, while sometimes necessary, should not be the first thing we turn to. Effective magicians are those that know the best approach to use to match the situation.

Humans are creatures of habit. As a magician that strives to have that self mastery mentioned earlier, and one that works hard to be the best that they can be, I owe it to myself to continue to look at my habits and the role I give them in my life. If I have allowed something to become larger than it should be, that’s a signal to me that I need to tweak my routine and look deeper. The ability to have control over my inner environment MUST come first, no exceptions. Exceptions can quickly become rationalizations, which are really lies and laziness, and have no place in my mind. Those who choose to do that, do so at their peril.


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Update and then some

It’s been a long time since I visited my own blog, and it’s time for an update. Much has happened in my life since my last entry, which was in July 2014.

I look back on some of my blog entries, thinking not only have things changed,but looking at the person I was back then. There has been a lot of growth and progress, I am a lot more rounded in terms of experiences. Not only do I know many more people, but I have travelled many places. Travel broadens the mind, immensely. On a deeper level, any time one chooses to do something, or walk down a different path, their worldview changes. Their eyes open, sweeping the landscape, taking in what’s there and experiencing those moments in time from a wider perspective. The colors and movement of the kaliedoscope of their life, are reprogrammed. The randomness of the tapestry of their life is altered.

Now that I’ve definitely decided it’s time to revisit this blog and tell where I’ve been and where I am now, there will be more entries. It’s been a very interesting 18 months!

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Day 1 Ritual and Reflections

I did my Adorations first. Those had an electricity that I have not noticed before. I was a bit unfocused but everything flowed together beautifully. I felt Ra’s presence and power in the sky of forever…

But Oh my gods when I did my Invoking LBRP I was really amazed. Everything I traced was crisp, strong, focused and precise. I felt a laser coming from my hand (I don’t use an Air dagger or Fire wand although I would love to do so!) and felt the energy part that backdrop of my temple. Each Archangel then came to focus, the pyramids behind Michael and his sword…Gabriel holding a golden chalice and Uriel a wooden cross. I see elemental symbols but not clearly. Then, almost spontaneously, the flames of all four pentagrams and their connecting white circle of fire. It was so hot I felt the heat. I had imprinted these symbols into one overarching principle, rippling everywhere…

Following this, my prayers. Holding the Tehillim, I begin with prayers for the special people in my life. I ask that they all be blessed. I thank God for the lessons they teach me. I have so much to learn, about so many things. I asked for help here, especially here; so many wonderful things are happening in my life and so many doors opening…but it’s mostly all new and I must focus. Things are changing materially and spiritually. Really fast. I’m ok with this but again I must focus and just breathe. I’ve never known many of these things, never experienced anything even close. I truly don’t know what I’m doing.

So I allow myself to be shown.

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Day 1…Keter

The realization of Keter came quickly. At first the Tree and then I was drawn to the reflection of the sphere. I had no idea what to expect. At first there was a whirling wheel of many spectrums and beams. Then I went to a yawing, open void. This is where I felt an opening and a vacuum, a bit like a huge cliff where no humans go and there are only eagles. Like Mount Olympus….

That’s who I saw there.

Then I felt an amalgam of symbols, the Vesica Pisces, Fibonacci’s Spiral and the DNA of life. The point gave way to a cube…very complex cube.

That’s when I felt a presence…Metatron?

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LBRP: The first thirty day experience

I now chuckle when I look back at when my mentor first suggested the “thirty day fiber cleanse” of doing three LBRP per day for thirty days. I recalled what happened in my life the first time I did this, four years ago, when I was taking my 0=0 final exam and preparing for 1=10 Initiation in my previous Order. I thought, “Oh boy, just what I need. Insanity and instability. Yeah.” He laughed at this, but did say that I would likely be in a better place when I was finished. 

Now that I have finished that thirty day stretch, I can emphatically say he was right. I am in a better place. That isn’t to say that I don’t have issues or things that need to get stabilized. But I am in a much better place emotionally. I have seen some things within myself as a result of the LBRP that are not what I would call my best qualities, things I’d still rather not talk about. But I have come to a point where I am at least able to give them a grudging nod and acceptance. I don’t hide in shame from them anymore. I look in the mirror every day now and am able to tell myself “Hey, I love you”, or at the very least, “I like you.” That is a definite change. 

It is important to note that when I began the thirty day LBRP stretch, I had very recently left the previously mentioned Order with a very toxic former mentor. Thus I had issues with Truth, Trust, Faith, and Light. I found that a lot of the magickal teaching from this former mentor was incorrect. Four years within that old Order in many ways did not mean a lot. I didn’t know who I was as a magickian, in terms of practice or identity. While I wasn’t starting completely over from scratch as far as my knowledge and practice, I had to (and still am) working to relearn a lot of things. Even something as basic as the LBRP, I discovered I had been taught incorrectly. My relationships with my Patron spirits changed, some of whom had come to the end of their cycle with me while others remained. I was almost completely adrift in terms of where I was going. 

The fact that I even started, let alone completed,  this LBRP cycle, is evidence of growth in terms of trust; with both myself and in a new mentor. The LBRP is a requirement which is a part of preparing for Neophyte Initiation into a HOGD temple. I knew when I left my previous Order, that I would seek out a new mentor and would look seriously at the Golden Dawn, but at the time didn’t know who or where. I wasn’t ready to give up on the idea of being in a group of like minded, caring and decent magickians that believed in tradition and were a part of something honorable and diverse. I knew there were good Orders, and good mentors, out there; I just had started out with one that wasn’t so good. It didn’t mean I shouldn’t try. If I didn’t try, then my former mentor would have won, and allowing someone to dominate me like that any more was and is simply out of the question. 

Learning how to pick up the pieces was, and still is, a daily journey. The LBRP cycle completed, and another 30 day cycle of work begun with different work. My new mentor knows how to challenge me yet not overwhelm. If things continue to move forward as I feel they will, most likely I will be initiated as a Neophyte into my new Temple in September 2014. 

That will be a very special day. I will have something so very different from where I started from the day I left my other Order. I will have a real Temple, with a real family of magickians, real mentors who have actually had the Initiations instead of falsely claiming them as my former mentor did. I will be part of a real, living, and true tradition. I will receive training that has been tested by time, not just thrown together and hoped for results. I will be able to grow, receive, give and be a part of. 


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Confluence of Events

I’m wondering about some so called ‘random’ events that are taking place now. 

First my dream of last night. I was on the sidewalk of a big city street. Just walking along, window shopping in fact, when someone walked right towards me with evil in their heart and dark eyes. Without thinking, I immediately stopped in my tracks, started drawing Pentagrams around myself and invoking Archangels. I looked at the ripples of energy that were set off by the pentagrams, feeling time slow and bend;  seeing the astonished looks on the faces of those around me. When my circle was completed, I saw it glowing white on the ground. I was no longer clothed in jeans and a t shirt, instead I had on a white robe and was holding a sword. I also held the sword at an angle in front of me, waiting to see what else would happen. The handle was red and black. I was pretty amazed at all this. I don’t know what happened to the one giving me the evil eye. Everyone and everything had stopped, looking at me. 

I think this, along with recent events, points towards a future where magick and spiritual community blend together. I just don’t know how yet. First, I come in contact with a HOGD temple leader. Then, the Apostolic Johannite Church. Then, information about a Master’s Degree of Ministry Program nearby. Not to mention a lot of contact with Archangels Iophiel and Raphael. 



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Update: Jupiter Work

My latest offering was a resounding success. I used a blue altar cloth, a handmade seal of Iophiel, a blue seven day candle, wine, fresh water, milk, honey, bread, and cedar incense. The following day I got additional help in the form of assistance that I had applied for.


Thank you again, Iophiel.

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Thus far…

My new work is going pretty good. I love the Kepheru Nu Ra, which is completely new but brings bright interludes to the day. I also find the meditation interesting as well, that being meditation upon a single point. I’ve had a variety of images and experiences spring from that, ranging from talismans emitting from the point to the entire cosmos in slow motion vortex. Tonight I started out feeling a bit irritated and distracted, but focused in on the point itself. I was rewarded by seeing my thoughts flow away like a river, and then a wonderful sense of balance followed.

 Invoking and banishing are also going well. it is a lot less “harsh” of an effect than the three LBRP’s per day were. 

Memorizing the attributions of the Hebrew letters is not easy, though. 



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Jupiter work

Tonight I did the first parts of some Jupiter workings to help me with finding a better job. I did a full evocation ritual with Iophiel, which went pretty good. It has been a long time since I’ve done an evocation ritual with all the trimmings.

I’m going to get another crystal because I found it difficult to skry into the somewhat small one I have. Or maybe I’ll make a mirror and use that instead.

I used a blue altar cloth, blue and white candles, wine, and cedar incense.

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It’s a day of questions for me. I’m seeing things, finally. But what I see doesn’t necessarily lend itself to easy interpretation. Thus, I’m going to write out some of the road signs along the way and see if the writing leads to more insight.

First, the dream last night. I am on a very tall, grassy hill-practically a mountain-with trees, tall green grass and wheat, wildflowers and a very steep grade in either direction. It’s also quite windy. A few times I either slide or fall, but manage to catch something and crawl back up to the top. In the grass, there is a fence that functions as a safety net. I crawl up the net. When I reach the top again I see there are others up here. 

Then I got up, did my LBRP, had my coffee and the Tarot reading. When I looked at all these Pentacles and Cups, a question flashed through my mind: What is the connection between Cups (my emotions) and Pentacles (work and money)? 

I started with the Queen of Swords in the lead position as Significator, seemingly unrelated at first but actually highly correlated with further review. Can I temper my emotions with rationality and logic? What about my expectations of myself and the situations I wish to effect? 

My Higher Self can reveal more…

Then, I went around to the cards in a reverse direction, seeing that this question isn’t about wealth but instead is pointing more towards divine purpose. My divine purpose is disguised? 

Conditions are favorable…what are my real intentions and how best to get there? Well, for one thing, avoid poverty of ideas and ideas focused on poverty as in lack of options or abundance. Find a way to merge the Fool with his idealism and the wisdom of Sophia. Balance the dualistic aspects 

So I guess this is a beginning. Still much left that I don’t know.

I also look ahead as the series of LBRP’s are almost finished. What will my next tasks be? What have I learned? Where am I now compared to 30 days ago? 

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